We are so used to using pronouns that indicate gender that sometimes it's hard to realize what an odd practice it is. It expects everybody to implicitly understand the gender of each person being mentioned. For example, say that Pat is organizing a trip, and tells Sandy:
Pat: I talked with Alice and Bob about the trip. It seems that she wants to come, but he is too busy.
To understand what Pat is saying, Sandy must know that "she" refers to Alice, and that "he" refers to Bob. This will not work if Sandy is unfamiliar with the people being discussed. Consider the following:
Pat: I talked with Tracy and Charlie about the trip.
Sandy: Sorry, who are they?
Pat: They are colleagues from work. You met them once, and
Tracy knows your sister..
Sandy: I don't quite remember them. What did they say about the trip?
Pat: It seems that she wants to come, but he is too busy.
Sandy: Sorry, which one wants to come? Is Tracy male or female? And Charlie?
As this shows, using "he" or "she" depends upon the partipants' gender being well-known and unambiguous. Why is gender special? Why don't pronouns indicate other characteristics of people? For example, should young people and old people be given different pronouns? Is it reasonable to expect that everyone knows the age of the people being discussed?
Pat: I talked with Bobby and Mr. Anderson about the trip.
It seems that juvee wants to come, but elde is too busy.
Similarly, should black people and white people have different pronouns (as discussed by Douglas Hofstadter)? Is it reasonable to expect that everybody implicitly knows the race of the people being discussed?
Pat: I talked with DeShawn and and Connor about the trip. It seems that ble wants to come, but whe is too busy.
Just as we don't have pronouns to indicate age or race, I believe that we should not use pronouns to indicate gender. Instead, I advocate always using one pronoun to indicate a person, regardless of gender.
Which pronoun should that be? I dislike the use of "they", because of its ambiguity:
Pat: Let me introduce some work colleagues. Here are Alex and Bobbie. They work in finance.
Sandy: Hi, Alex and Bobbie! Glad to meet you, as I will also work in finance.
Bobbie: Oh, I work in legal, not in finance.
Here are the commonly used singular pronouns and their variants, called cases:
| Subjective | He is late. | She is late. |
| Objective | Sandy saw him. | Sandy saw her. |
| Possessive determiner | It is his car. | It is her car. |
| Possessive pronoun | It is his. | It is hers. |
| Reflexive | He saw himself. | She saw herself. |
Given the above, I suggest using "he" and the associated cases. "He" is shorter than the alternative "she". Furthermore, I like having different pronouns to indicate the objective and possessive forms: "I saw him in his car" vs "I saw her in her car".
My proposal is to always use "he" (and its variants); and to never use "she" (nor its variants):
Pat: I talked with Alice about the trip. It seems that he wants to come.
A more subtle change is that in some cases, a pronoun cannot be used, to avoid ambiguity. Consider this incorrect case:
Pat: I talked with Alec and Bob about the trip. It seems that he wants to come.
In this case, the usage of the pronoun "he" renders it ambiguous whether Alec or Bob wants to come. When "he" is used as a gender-neutral pronoun, then the following case is similarly ambiguous:
Pat: I talked with Alice and Bob about the trip. It seems that he wants to come.
The above does not clarify whether Alice or Bob wants to come.
The pronouns "they/them/their" can be used as usual, in a similarly gender-neutral manner, to refer to a group of people, without ambiguity:
Pat: I talked with Blake about the trip, and also with the Anderson
family. It seems that he wants to come, but they are too
busy.
What are the downsides of using "he" as a gender-neutral pronoun? A woman accustomed to the status quo may dislike being referred to as "he". This is particularly important in the case of a transgender woman, who dislikes reminders of being male in the past, or of not being considered a "real" woman.
Many people, particularly transgender and non-binary people, specify their preferred pronouns that match their gender identity, and would naturally be upset if somebody used a different pronoun to indicate a different gender, either unknowingly or with malicious intent. E.g., a transgender woman would be upset to be referenced as "Alex said that he can't come." But the issue is the gender identity that is indicated, rather than the pronoun. E.g., Alex would probably be equally or more upset by the statement "I've known Alex since kindergarten, and she's actually a man", despite the use of the preferred pronoun "she".
By contrast, my usage of "he" is not intended to cast aspersions on the femininity of the person. It is simply a gender-neutral way to refer to a person:
Pat: I talked with
Caitlyn Jenner about the trip. It seems
that he wants to come.
Pat: I also talked with
Kendall Jenner about
the trip. It seems that he wants to come, too.
Pat: And I talked with Alex about the trip. It seems that
he wants to come, too.
This makes no implications about the gender of Caitlyn or Kendall Jenner, nor about Alex.
A person can certainly insist that his attributes be represented accurately. E.g., a divorced woman, formerly married to Mr. Norwood, may justifiably object to being addressed as "Mrs. Norwood". Such usage is an effective insult because of the customs surrounding the use of names.
Similarly, using pronouns to indicate the incorrect gender is an effective insult because of the prevalence of pronouns.
Even when no overt insult was intended, the use of a gender-specific pronoun may inadvertently indicate what the speaker actually believes about the gender of the person referenced, despite any protestations to the contrary.
By contrast, my use of "he" as a gender-non-specific pronoun simply indicates the person referenced, without any implications as to the gender of that person.
Many people now specify their preferred gender pronoun when introducing themselves, by saying, for example, "Hi, my name is Alice Smith (she/her)." This often leads to people with transgender or non-binary gender identities having that aspect become the focus of an interaction:
John: Hi, I'm John Goodwin (he/him).
Pat: Hi John, nice to meet you, I heard that you rock
at sales!
Alice: And I'm Alice Smith (she/her).
Pat: Hi Alice, I see that you're into basketball, like me!
Hayden: And I'm Hayden Miller (ze/hir).
Pat: Sorry, what are your pronouns again?
I feel that people should not be expected to reveal such personal details upon their first meeting, just as they are not expected to state their age, ethnicity, or marital status. Consistently using "he/him" as a gender-neutral pronoun avoids the whole issue. Then people can reveal their gender, age, and other personal details over time, as they wish.
The use of gender-specific pronouns varies widely by language. E.g., the French language has gender-specific singular pronouns il and elle, like English. But French also has gender-specific plural pronouns ils and elles. Furthermore, French assigns gender to inanimate objects as well:
Voilà la table. Elle est rouge. (Here's the table. She is red.)
By contrast, the spoken Sinhala language uses a single gender-neutral singular pronoun:
මගේ අම්මා කතා කරා. එයා පරක්කු වෙනවා. (My mother called. He will be late.)
As these examples show, the usage of gender-specific pronouns varies by language. It is not an inherent feature of communication, but rather a choice made by each language. So it is reasonable to discuss changing that choice in English, and in other languages.
This specific proposal as to the usage of "he" is mine, but many others have proposed similar ideas. The book "A New Grammar", by Anne Fisher, discusses this usage. Similarly, an article by Robin Dembroff & Daniel Wodak proposes making English "less gendered". The book "Ancillary Justice" consistently uses "she" as a non-gendered pronoun.